Seven Weeks

My emotions are going crazy. One minute, I'm thinking how we can't afford this. I usually get depressed about it when I'm home alone for multiple hours at a time - like when Aaron's at work. As soon as he gets home, though, I feel better. I think that everything will be okay. When he's home, I feel like everything will be fine - we'll figure out how to make ends meet, I'll go back to school after a semester or two off. Aaron can work in the morning while I work at night. We'll make it work. I'm scared of our baby's health the most, though.

I haven't had morning sickness at all. I do gag at certain smells now that never bothered me before. I love the smell of gasoline, but wanted to throw up the other day when smelling it. Normally, the smell of old, dirty dishes doesn't bother me either, but it did the other day. I had to run to the bathroom.

I've been tired a lot lately. I wake up multiple times throughout the night. That's beginning to drive me insane. I wake up, go to the bathroom, get something to drink because I'm thirsty, and then I can't fall asleep again. That's basically it, though. I haven't had any cravings yet either.

I'm mainly worried about expenses. Aaron is bad with money and just spent $120.00 yesterday on baseball cards. I'm trying my hardest to find a second job, though, and hopefully that will help - even if it's only like 10-20 hours a week.

Six Weeks

I found out I was pregnant almost a week ago. At first, I was very excited, but then I became upset. This is bad timing. I'm not over everything going on between me and Aaron. We're moving and we'll have a roommate. I haven't been working in about two months. I just got back into school, Now I'll have to put school on hold. Will I ever go back? Aaron graduates in December, but what if he can't find a real job?

My family talks a lot. I went to a family member for reassurance and support. Instead, this person told all of my, very judgmental, aunts and uncles. One of my uncles told his sixteen year old daughter, who told one of my cousins, who told her sister. Aaron and I wanted to go to my parents' house to tell them, but I was forced to tell my mom over the phone before word got around to her. I've definitely learned to keep my mouth shut from now on - especially when it comes to my family.

Aaron's excited and is treating me very well. I'm bipolar right now. I'm super excited one minute, but then everything hits me and I think that we can't have a baby right now. I'm only twenty-two. I wanted to be married in three to five years. I never wanted my kid to be in my wedding. Aaron laughs about it. I feel like this is going to destroy our already rocky relationship. He thinks we'll be fine. I wish I could be optimistic.