Maternity Leave!

I have 10 days left until my due date and had my last day of work on Friday. I'm definitely glad I don't have to deal with work for a few weeks, but money is going to be so tight. We finished washing all of his clothes and set everything up. We just need to buy some more batteries for his bouncer and pack 'n' play. I can't wait to meet him and see what he looks like and smother him with kisses! Everyone wants us to call them when we go into the hospital. It's going to be packed! lol

37 Weeks.

I'm 37 weeks and 3 days. I've been extremely thirsty tonight. I've had a cold for almost 3 weeks and my nose is super dry, but still stuffy. I'm ready for the baby to be here and, mainly, to stop being sick. I hate stuffy noses because you have to breathe with your mouth open and that's annoying, especially when eating. I noticed earlier that when I eat spicy food [which is a lot], it makes me contract more so I guess I'll stay away from spicy food for the last few weeks of my pregnancy.

I'm still guessing he's going to come on the 3rd, but I've been getting a lot of people saying he's going to come sometime next week. We're basically ready. We need batteries for his bouncer, swing, etc. and I need to pack my hospital bag [yes, still], but that's about it. I'm almost done with my thank you notes; just waiting to get Aaron's family's addresses from his grandma. We washed everything and I just have to finish putting some of his clothes away. I can't believe how soon my due date is. Next Friday is my last day of work before maternity leave. I'm definitely looking forward to that!

I should probably get some sleep. It's 5am.

Financial Issues

Being on your own is so hard. I never struggled until now. The job I used to have closed in May. Now I work at Target for a pathetic $8.00/an hour and am trying to survive on a sad 10 hours a week - not by choice. I'm available open-close every day of the week.

I was enrolled in school for this semester. For some reason, I was denied Financial Aid and wasn't able to get loans because it's part of Financial Aid [that doesn't make sense to me]. I signed up for the payment program to pay for my tuition. I ended up withdrawing from the semester, though, because I couldn't afford to pay tuition every month. The school still took out the first payment [$350]. I had $291 in my checking account so I went negative and got a $35 fee. Then all of my other transactions went through, making my account even more negative and getting even more $35 fees. I'm now over negative $700 in my account.

I'm getting a refund check from the school for the $350, but they don't send them out until February 1st. I'm going to the bank today to talk to them about all of my other transactions and negative fees. Hopefully everything's reversed and I'll be positive again with $350 in my account. Yesterday, the bank took money from both of my savings accounts [one I set up for the baby] to go towards my negative account, WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE.

I don't know what to do anymore. I stopped paying my credit cards because I can't afford my payments - not even $10. I hate this situation I'm in. How am I supposed to survive after the baby's born and our roommate moves out? Can Aaron and I afford everything on our own next year?

Infant Safety and CPR and Lamaze Classes.

Thursday January 14, 2010, I had my Infant Safety and CPR class. A lot of the things I already knew - cabinet locks, rear-facing car seat, etc. I did learn how to do CPR on a baby, though! I just hope that I never have to use it.

Saturday January 16, 2010, Aaron and I had Lamaze. It was very long because we signed up for the one day class since we can't afford to take off five Wednesdays in a row. We learned a lot, though. I wrote down a few questions that I want to ask my doctors. I always wanted to try giving birth without any medication and because of class, I'm now 98% against it. There's still that 2% chance, though, and no one knows what can happen. I really want to try it naturally. I don't want to be high when my baby's born. I want to actually be "there". I don't want forceps used at all. That's one thing that annoys me about doctors. They think what's best for right now and I don't want that. I want the baby to come out when he's ready. My doctors induce you if you're a week over your due date. I read that they should allow you to go at least two weeks over. I'm going to talk to them about that, too. I really don't think Peanut's going to be late, though. I think he's coming March 3rd [my due date's March 10th].

32 weeks, 6 days.

There has been a ton going ton. My hours at work have been cut down to 10 a week. Aaron graduated college in December. While I'm on maternity leave, I'm hoping to find a job I can stay at home for or a babysitting job that will allow me to bring my baby. I doubt I'll be able to find either so I'll have to struggle with my 10 hours a week.

We still have no names picked out for Peanut. We also have nothing ready: no crib, no bassinet, no bottles, breast pump, clothes, etc. I'm worried we won't get everything we need from the baby shower, but I guess we'll have to sit and wait and see what happens.

Maybe this is karma paying me back for all of my bad past decisions. I don't believe in karma, though.

Seven Weeks

My emotions are going crazy. One minute, I'm thinking how we can't afford this. I usually get depressed about it when I'm home alone for multiple hours at a time - like when Aaron's at work. As soon as he gets home, though, I feel better. I think that everything will be okay. When he's home, I feel like everything will be fine - we'll figure out how to make ends meet, I'll go back to school after a semester or two off. Aaron can work in the morning while I work at night. We'll make it work. I'm scared of our baby's health the most, though.

I haven't had morning sickness at all. I do gag at certain smells now that never bothered me before. I love the smell of gasoline, but wanted to throw up the other day when smelling it. Normally, the smell of old, dirty dishes doesn't bother me either, but it did the other day. I had to run to the bathroom.

I've been tired a lot lately. I wake up multiple times throughout the night. That's beginning to drive me insane. I wake up, go to the bathroom, get something to drink because I'm thirsty, and then I can't fall asleep again. That's basically it, though. I haven't had any cravings yet either.

I'm mainly worried about expenses. Aaron is bad with money and just spent $120.00 yesterday on baseball cards. I'm trying my hardest to find a second job, though, and hopefully that will help - even if it's only like 10-20 hours a week.

Six Weeks

I found out I was pregnant almost a week ago. At first, I was very excited, but then I became upset. This is bad timing. I'm not over everything going on between me and Aaron. We're moving and we'll have a roommate. I haven't been working in about two months. I just got back into school, Now I'll have to put school on hold. Will I ever go back? Aaron graduates in December, but what if he can't find a real job?

My family talks a lot. I went to a family member for reassurance and support. Instead, this person told all of my, very judgmental, aunts and uncles. One of my uncles told his sixteen year old daughter, who told one of my cousins, who told her sister. Aaron and I wanted to go to my parents' house to tell them, but I was forced to tell my mom over the phone before word got around to her. I've definitely learned to keep my mouth shut from now on - especially when it comes to my family.

Aaron's excited and is treating me very well. I'm bipolar right now. I'm super excited one minute, but then everything hits me and I think that we can't have a baby right now. I'm only twenty-two. I wanted to be married in three to five years. I never wanted my kid to be in my wedding. Aaron laughs about it. I feel like this is going to destroy our already rocky relationship. He thinks we'll be fine. I wish I could be optimistic.